Explore a treasure trove of wisdom and insight from Mark Twain through their most impactful and thought-provoking quotes and sayings. Broaden your horizons with their inspiring words and share these beautiful quote pictures from Mark Twain with your friends and followers on popular social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blog - all free of charge. Delve into our collection of the top 1876 Mark Twain quotes, handpicked for you to discover and share with others.
I don't see any use in finding out things and clogging up my head with them when I mayn't ever have any occasion to use 'em. By Mark Twain
It gave an appalling idea of the value of an hour, and I thought I could never waste one again without remorse and terror. By Mark Twain
Ours is the "land of the free" - nobody denies that - nobody challenges it. [Maybe it is because we won't let other people testify.] By Mark Twain
The dream vocabulary shaves meanings finer and closer than do the world's daytime dictionaries. By Mark Twain
A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt By Mark Twain
I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened. By Mark Twain
Looking into the muzzle of Slade's pistol. "And the next instant," added my informant, impressively, "he was one of the deadest men that ever lived. By Mark Twain
I've seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true. By Mark Twain
A good legible label is usually worth, for information, a ton of significant attitude and expression in a historical picture. By Mark Twain
History never repeats itself; at best it sometimes rhymes. By Mark Twain
History may not repeat, but it often rhymes. By Mark Twain
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. By Mark Twain
I've experienced a great deal of pain and suffering in my life ... most of which has never happened. By Mark Twain
Demagoguea vessel containing beer and other liquids. By Mark Twain
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. By Mark Twain
No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies. By Mark Twain
Tom Sawyer the Pirate looked around upon the envying juveniles about him and confessed in his heart that this was the proudest moment of his life. By Mark Twain
I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened. By Mark Twain
Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country's flag and honor and welfare. By Mark Twain
Being made merely in the image of God but not otherwise resembling him enough to be mistaken by anybody but a very near sighted person. By Mark Twain
That dismal prison house within whose dungeons so many young faces put on the wrinkles of age, By Mark Twain
Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been. By Mark Twain
I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. By Mark Twain
Carlyle said 'a lie cannot live.' It shows that he did not know how to tell them. By Mark Twain
Never tell a lie-except for practice. By Mark Twain
Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction. By Mark Twain
The smallest minds and the selfishest souls and the cowardliest hearts that God makes. By Mark Twain
A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize. By Mark Twain
New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin. By Mark Twain
Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives & obscene stories. By Mark Twain
They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property. By Mark Twain
When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know. By Mark Twain
Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool. By Mark Twain
Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that! By Mark Twain
Australian History: ... does not read like history, but like the most beautiful lies. By Mark Twain
Such is the human race. Often it seems such a pity that Noah.. didn't miss the boat. By Mark Twain
The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter ... By Mark Twain
Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first! Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer By Mark Twain
Because in my nature I have always run to pie, whilst in his nature he has always run to mystery. By Mark Twain
When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who have gone on to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life. By Mark Twain
He was a good enough sort of cretur, and hadn't no harm in him, and was just a genius, as the papers said, which wasn't his fault. By Mark Twain
I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty. By Mark Twain
There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press By Mark Twain
Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river. By Mark Twain
His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine. By Mark Twain
In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it. By Mark Twain
Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more. By Mark Twain
No man has an appreciation so various that his judgment is good upon all varieties of literary work. By Mark Twain
The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read. By Mark Twain
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the fellow who can't read a line. By Mark Twain
We must look for our own blame to find our own personality. By Mark Twain
A woman's intuition is better than a man's. Nobody knows anything, really, you know, and a woman can guess a good deal nearer than a man. By Mark Twain
I sometimes wonder if our world leaders are very smart and just putting us on, or very stupid and mean it. By Mark Twain
I sometimes wonder if the world is run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who mean it. By Mark Twain
Manners!" he said. "Why, it is merely the truth, and truth is good manners; manners are a fiction. The castle is done. Do you like it? By Mark Twain
When all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt. By Mark Twain
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. By Mark Twain
Obscurity and a competence - that is the life that is best worth living. By Mark Twain
Only when a republic's life is in danger should a man uphold his government when it is wrong. There is no other time. By Mark Twain
The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education. By Mark Twain
Some of the worst things in my life never even happened. By Mark Twain
We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. By Mark Twain
Life is planned with one principle objective to make you do all the particular things you particularly don't want to do. By Mark Twain
Yes, King Edward VI lived only a few years, poor boy, but he lived them worthily. By Mark Twain
Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life. By Mark Twain
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. By Mark Twain
The ability to find solutions to life's challenges is what makes us grow as a person. By Mark Twain
Don't dream your life, but live your dream By Mark Twain
You know my present way of life. Can you suggest any additions to it, in the way of crime, that will reasonably insure my going to some other place. By Mark Twain
I've had a very difficult life. Fortunately, most of it didn't happen. By Mark Twain
I never did a thing in all my life, virtuous or otherwise that I didn't repent of within twenty-four hours. By Mark Twain
Life becomes fully understandable only the moment we realise that we are all mad. By Mark Twain
I can help anyone get anything they want out of life. The only problem is that I can't find anyone who knows what they want. By Mark Twain
But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time. By Mark Twain
Death is to life as heaven is to hell they're both dependent on each other By Mark Twain
One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation. By Mark Twain
Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession. By Mark Twain
Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. By Mark Twain
The first time the Deity came down to earth, he brought life and death; when he came the second time, he brought hell. By Mark Twain
The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all. By Mark Twain
There is no such thing as an ordinary life. By Mark Twain
When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause. By Mark Twain
Most of the things I worried about in life never happened. By Mark Twain
My own luck has been curious all my literary life; I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe. By Mark Twain
You will be more disappointed in life by the things that you do not do than by the things that you do. By Mark Twain
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you want. By Mark Twain
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. By Mark Twain
Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training; the odds are too heavy. By Mark Twain
The most important days in your life are the day you were born ... and the day you find out why. By Mark Twain
I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. By Mark Twain
No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful thing it is. By Mark Twain
Is drawn from life; Tom Sawyer also, but not from an individual - he is a By Mark Twain
The exercise of an extraordinary gift is the supremest pleasure in life. By Mark Twain
There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened. By Mark Twain
No child should be permitted to grow up without exercise for imagination. It enriches life for him. It makes things wonderful and beautiful. By Mark Twain
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. By Mark Twain
Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities. By Mark Twain
To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin That makes calamity of so long life; By Mark Twain
It is wiser to find out than to suppose. By Mark Twain
I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen. By Mark Twain
Sing like no one is listening, LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT, dance like nobody's watcbing, and live like it's heaven on earth. By Mark Twain
No narrative that tells the facts of a man's life in the man's own words can be uninteresting. By Mark Twain
It is not in the least likely that any life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person who lived it. By Mark Twain
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could to-day. By Mark Twain
Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. By Mark Twain
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want. By Mark Twain
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. By Mark Twain
The only certainties in life are death and taxes. By Mark Twain
How far we travel in life matters far less than those we meet along the way. By Mark Twain
Life is short, break the rules. By Mark Twain
All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it. By Mark Twain
Don't go around thinking the world owes you a living. It was here first. By Mark Twain
There is no security in life, only opportunity. By Mark Twain
If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away. By Mark Twain
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. By Mark Twain
We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them. By Mark Twain
All life demands change, variety, contrast - else there is small zest to it. By Mark Twain
There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy. By Mark Twain
Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased. By Mark Twain
Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has. By Mark Twain
There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure. By Mark Twain
The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. By Mark Twain
If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves. By Mark Twain
I have replaced his tin life with a silver-gilt fiction By Mark Twain
Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds. By Mark Twain
I have never seen what to me seemed an atom of proof that there is a future life. And yet-I am inclined to expect one. By Mark Twain
Summer is the time when it is too hot to do the job that it was too cold to do last winter. By Mark Twain
I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet. By Mark Twain
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. By Mark Twain
It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young. By Mark Twain
What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so. By Mark Twain
Life should begin with age and it's privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and it's capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages. By Mark Twain
You can't make a life over. Society wouldn't let you if you would. By Mark Twain
There's no such thing as an uninteresting life, such a thing is an impossibility. Beneath the dullest exterior, there is a drama, a comedy, a tragedy. By Mark Twain
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can. By Mark Twain
What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it. By Mark Twain
You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you By Mark Twain
The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all. By Mark Twain
Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her. By Mark Twain
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. By Mark Twain
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. By Mark Twain
How stunning are the changes which age makes in a man while he sleeps! By Mark Twain
Shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest? By Mark Twain
Nobody could infer the master-mind in the top of that edifice from the edifice itself. By Mark Twain
Had double chins all the way down to his stomach. By Mark Twain
Persons who think there is no such thing as luck good or bad are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. By Mark Twain
My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got. By Mark Twain
I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell, you see, I have friends in both places. By Mark Twain
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. By Mark Twain
Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure. By Mark Twain
The primary rule of business success is loyalty to your employer. That's all right as a theory. What is the matter with loyalty to yourself? By Mark Twain
It is an important thing, in our never-ending pursuit of happiness, to stop and just be happy for a while. By Mark Twain
Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. By Mark Twain
It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss. By Mark Twain
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. By Mark Twain
That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don't know nothing about it. By Mark Twain
The more I know about people, the better I like my dogs. By Mark Twain
I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. By Mark Twain
The truth hurts, but silence kills. By Mark Twain
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. By Mark Twain
I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted, fat, benevolent people do. By Mark Twain
For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness. By Mark Twain
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. By Mark Twain
The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs. By Mark Twain
Put no trust in the benefits to accrue from early rising, as set forth by the infatuated Franklin ... By Mark Twain
Do not offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable. By Mark Twain
He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too. By Mark Twain
FOR EVERY GRAIN OF SAND IN OUR WORLD, THERE ARE ONE MILLION STARS IN THE UNIVERSE. By Mark Twain
There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe ... the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press down here. By Mark Twain
You may say what you want to, but in my opinion she had more sand in her than any girl I ever see; in my opinion she was just full of sand. By Mark Twain
A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment. By Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. By Mark Twain
December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February. By Mark Twain
You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label. By Mark Twain
If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter. By Mark Twain
It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. By Mark Twain
A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty. By Mark Twain
Dogs go to heaven By Mark Twain
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. By Mark Twain
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's. By Mark Twain
Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed. By Mark Twain
I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. By Mark Twain
For he did not seem to know any way to do a person a kindness but by killing him. By Mark Twain
I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion. By Mark Twain
There is nothing that saps one's confidence as the knowing how to do a thing By Mark Twain
If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear. By Mark Twain
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. By Mark Twain
It is a worthy thing to fight for one's freedom; it is another sight finer to fight for another man's. By Mark Twain
Taking the pledge will not make bad liquor good, but it will improve it. By Mark Twain
Nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people. By Mark Twain
If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile. By Mark Twain
They was strong words but they was said and I let them stay said. By Mark Twain
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man By Mark Twain
If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. By Mark Twain
If you want me to give you a two-hour presentation, I am ready today. If you want only a five-minute speech, it will take me two weeks to prepare. By Mark Twain
To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master. By Mark Twain
It is better to give than receive- especially advice. By Mark Twain
Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow. By Mark Twain
Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection-that is the last and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement. By Mark Twain
It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive. By Mark Twain
She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot By Mark Twain
A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining. By Mark Twain
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. By Mark Twain
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. By Mark Twain
It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand. By Mark Twain
you are going to find out the facts of a thing, what's the sense in guessing out what ain't the facts and wasting ammunition? By Mark Twain
Oh, I dasn't, Mars Tom. Ole missis she'd take an' tar de head off'n me. 'Deed she would. By Mark Twain
Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful. By Mark Twain
When all else fails, write what your heart tells you. You can't depend on your eyes, when your imagination is out of focus. By Mark Twain
When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface By Mark Twain
Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public. By Mark Twain
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. By Mark Twain
We are all alike on the inside. By Mark Twain
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races. By Mark Twain
Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend. By Mark Twain
Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul. By Mark Twain
The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible. By Mark Twain
Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. By Mark Twain
Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome; in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather. By Mark Twain
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late. By Mark Twain
In truth I care little about any party's politics-the man behind it is the important thing. By Mark Twain
There is a sort of pathos about it when one remembers how few are your days, how childish your pomps, and what shadows you are! By Mark Twain
I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army. By Mark Twain
Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes-none knows whence-and cannot explain itself. By Mark Twain
Your actions speak so much louder than words. By Mark Twain
Well, go 'long and play; but mind you get back some time in a week, or I'll tan you. By Mark Twain
There is nothing like instances to grow hair on a bald-headed argument. By Mark Twain
Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so. By Mark Twain
Work like you don't need the money. Dance like no one is watching. And love like you've never been hurt. By Mark Twain
There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares! By Mark Twain
But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people. By Mark Twain
We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege. By Mark Twain
Well, I know. It's jam - that's what it is. Forty times I've said if you didn't let that jam alone I'd skin you. Hand me that switch. By Mark Twain
If you're looking for friends when you need them ... it's too late. By Mark Twain
A reputable lawyer will advise you to keep out of the law, make the best of a foolish bargain, and not get caught again. By Mark Twain
It's not the good that die young, it's the lucky. By Mark Twain
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. By Mark Twain
I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one. By Mark Twain
Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out. By Mark Twain
Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you. By Mark Twain
Never miss an opportunity to shut up. By Mark Twain
I wonder how much it would take to buy a soap bubble, if there were only one in the world. By Mark Twain
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates - 1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion. By Mark Twain
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead. By Mark Twain
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. By Mark Twain
The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo. By Mark Twain
I fell in love with the most cordial and sociable city in the Union. By Mark Twain
There is no easy or quick plan to happiness, there is no single spot where you can start. Where you are right now is the best place to begin. By Mark Twain
That kind of so-called housekeeping where they have six Bibles and no cork-screw. By Mark Twain
Wagner's music is better than it sounds. By Mark Twain
Presbyterianism without infant damnation would be like the dog on the train that couldn't be identified because it had lost its tag. By Mark Twain
The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card. By Mark Twain
The window went up, a maid-servant's discordant voice profaned the holy calm, and a deluge of water drenched the prone martyr's remains! By Mark Twain
I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever. By Mark Twain
How slow and still the time did drag along. By Mark Twain
The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands. By Mark Twain
Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again. By Mark Twain
On a book by Henry James: Once you put it down, you simply can't pick it up. By Mark Twain
All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics. By Mark Twain
In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language. By Mark Twain
Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. By Mark Twain
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. By Mark Twain
There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home. By Mark Twain
A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch. By Mark Twain
I did not steal your paltry goods! By Mark Twain
During the gold rush its a good time to be in the pick and shovel business By Mark Twain
If the world ends, I'll just head on down to Kentucky because they're always 20 years behind. By Mark Twain
A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. By Mark Twain
When you catch an adjective, kill it - perhaps the best possible advice for budding writers. By Mark Twain
When you catch an adjective, kill it. By Mark Twain
It's not what you don't know that kills you, it's what you know for sure that ain't true. By Mark Twain
It is no use to keep private information which you can't show off. By Mark Twain
Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement. By Mark Twain
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time. By Mark Twain
A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. By Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir ... mighty scarce. By Mark Twain
A man can't get his rights in a govment like this. Sometimes I've a mighty notion to just leave the country for good and all. By Mark Twain
All religions issue bibles again Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side. By Mark Twain
The rumors of the White Sox demise are greatly exaggerated. By Mark Twain
When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down; it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss. By Mark Twain
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. By Mark Twain
Make the best o' things the way you find 'em.. By Mark Twain
The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right. By Mark Twain
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble. By Mark Twain
Tout les jours you are coming some fresh game or other on me, mais vous ne pouvez pas play this savon dodge on me twice! By Mark Twain
Truth is stranger than fiction... By Mark Twain
In statesmanship get formalities right, never mind about the moralities. By Mark Twain
He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it. By Mark Twain
I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time. By Mark Twain
I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight. By Mark Twain
The partitions of the houses were so thin we could hear the women occupants of adjoining rooms changing their minds. By Mark Twain
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that. By Mark Twain
At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on there clothes to keep them from being stolen. By Mark Twain
Most of the adventures recorded in this book really occurred; By Mark Twain
Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures? By Mark Twain
A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong. By Mark Twain
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work. - Mark Twain By Mark Twain
I can speak French but I cannot understand it. By Mark Twain
I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world. By Mark Twain
I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't. By Mark Twain
You are about as happy as you make up your mind to be. By Mark Twain
he hoped she would be happy, and never regret having driven her poor boy out into the unfeeling world to suffer and die. By Mark Twain
He worked up his old battles and tricked them out with fresh splendors; also with new terrors, for he added artillery now. By Mark Twain
Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it. By Mark Twain
Nature makes the locust with an appetite for crops; man would have made him with an appetite for sand By Mark Twain
If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer. By Mark Twain
Spare the rod and spile the child, as the Good Book says. I'm a laying up sin and suffering for us both, By Mark Twain
One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere. By Mark Twain
We laugh and laugh. Then cry and cry- Then feebler laugh, Then die. By Mark Twain
Write without pay until somebody offers to pay. By Mark Twain
And when the middle of the afternoon came, from being a poor poverty-stricken boy in the morning, Tom was literally rolling in wealth. By Mark Twain
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. By Mark Twain
Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor By Mark Twain
Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble. By Mark Twain
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. By Mark Twain
I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant. By Mark Twain
It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. By Mark Twain
Humor is like a frog; if you dissect it, it dies. By Mark Twain
A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase. By Mark Twain
There isn't any way to libel the human race. By Mark Twain
Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. By Mark Twain
A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty. By Mark Twain
A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having. By Mark Twain
I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record. By Mark Twain
One day man by the slow processes of evolution shall develop into something really fine and high - some billions of years hence, say. By Mark Twain
Don't wait the time is never just right. By Mark Twain
There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. By Mark Twain
Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. By Mark Twain
Never let your education interfere with your learning. By Mark Twain
In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards. By Mark Twain
I try never to let my schooling get in the way of my education. By Mark Twain
My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything. By Mark Twain
Don't let schooling interfere with your education. By Mark Twain
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. By Mark Twain
Education that consists in learning things and not the meaning of them is feeding upon the husks and not the corn By Mark Twain
Don't let school interfere with your education. By Mark Twain
The problem with education is school. By Mark Twain
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. By Mark Twain
I never let school get in the way of my education! By Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. By Mark Twain
I've never let my school interfere with my education. By Mark Twain
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. By Mark Twain
Learning to play two pairs is worth about as much as a college education, and about as costly. By Mark Twain
Out of the public schools comes the greatness of the nation. By Mark Twain
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. By Mark Twain
I do not allow my schooling to interfere with my education By Mark Twain
Education is what remains when what is learned has been taken away. By Mark Twain
Education is what you must acquire without any interference from your schooling. By Mark Twain
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages. By Mark Twain
I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure. By Mark Twain
Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man. By Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. By Mark Twain
A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it. By Mark Twain
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him. By Mark Twain
One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a women is, until after considerable acquaintance with her. By Mark Twain
It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head. By Mark Twain
I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he says - "Yes; the little ones does". By Mark Twain
You can't pray a lie" Huck Finn By Mark Twain
I reck'n I knows what I knows. By Mark Twain
It don't make no difference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no sense, and just goes for him anyway. By Mark Twain
Human beings can be awful cruel to one another. By Mark Twain
This ain't no thirty-seven year job, this is a thirty-eight year job, Tom Sawyer. By Mark Twain
He had a dream and it shot him. By Mark Twain
Confound it, it's foolish, Tom By Mark Twain
I reck'n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain' no sense in sich doin's as dat. By Mark Twain
There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about. Huck Finn By Mark Twain
Courts musn't interfere and separate families if they could help it. Said he'd druther not take a child away from its father. By Mark Twain
This is Huck Finn, a child of mine of shady reputation. Be good to him for his parent's sake. By Mark Twain
Tom Sawyer said I was a numskull. By Mark Twain
Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive. By Mark Twain
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. By Mark Twain
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. By Mark Twain
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. By Mark Twain
Can any plausible excuse be furnished for the crime of creating the human race? By Mark Twain
God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage By Mark Twain
Tolstoy carelessly neglects to include a boat race. By Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. By Mark Twain
A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial. By Mark Twain
Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it. By Mark Twain
An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect. By Mark Twain
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. By Mark Twain
What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there! By Mark Twain
Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it. By Mark Twain
But old fools is the biggest fools there is. By Mark Twain
When you find yourself on the side of the majority, you should pause and reflect. By Mark Twain
Genius has no youth, but starts with the ripeness of age and old experience. By Mark Twain
By his father he is English, by his mother he is Americanto my mind the blend which makes the perfect man. By Mark Twain
I was educated once - it took me years to get over it. By Mark Twain
The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, By Mark Twain
A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by. By Mark Twain
Of course, there are many rich men in the empire, but their money is buried, and they dress in rags and counterfeit poverty. By Mark Twain
The best and most telling speech is not the actual impromptu one but the counterfeit of it. By Mark Twain
It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help. By Mark Twain
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself. By Mark Twain
There are no wild animals until man makes them so. By Mark Twain
In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true. By Mark Twain
The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. [On Lohengrin] By Mark Twain
When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma. By Mark Twain
for he seemed only able to inhale it by thimblefuls, By Mark Twain
What connection is there, President, between this uncanny creature and the disappearance of Lord Beltham, of which we were talking at dinner? By Mark Twain
Tom's whole being applauded this idea. It was deep, and dark, and awful; the hour, the circumstances, the surroundings, were in keeping with it. By Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well fed. By Mark Twain
I'm in favor of progress; it's change I don't like. By Mark Twain
Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions. By Mark Twain
When a man's dog turns against him it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama. By Mark Twain
It is not worth while to strain one's self to tell the truth to people who habitually discount everything you tell them, whether it is true or isn't. By Mark Twain
She turned just in time to seize a small boy by the slack of his roundabout and arrest his flight. By Mark Twain
me that it had been many years since the world had been afforded the spectacle of a man adventurous enough to undertake By Mark Twain
I believe I have no prejudices whatsoever. All I need to know is that a man is a member of the human race. That's bad enough for me. By Mark Twain
Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted. By Mark Twain
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. By Mark Twain
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession. By Mark Twain
I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman. By Mark Twain
Architects cannot teach nature anything. By Mark Twain
India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. By Mark Twain
Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes. By Mark Twain
Be wise as a serpent and wary as a dove! By Mark Twain
God created war so that Americans would learn geography. By Mark Twain
The English alphabet is pure insanity ... , It can hardly spell any word in the language with any degree of certainty. By Mark Twain
Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination. By Mark Twain
Tweedle dee and tweedle dum By Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up! By Mark Twain
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. ~Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad By Mark Twain
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory. By Mark Twain
The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it; the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make. By Mark Twain
What God wills, will happen; thou canst not hurry it, thou canst not alter it; therefore wait; and be patient By Mark Twain
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. By Mark Twain
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. By Mark Twain
Human nature is the same everywhere; it deifies success, it has nothing but scorn for defeat. By Mark Twain
'Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read. By Mark Twain
Ignorant as the unborne babe! ignorant as unborn twins! By Mark Twain
After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me. By Mark Twain
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. By Mark Twain
The difference between nonfiction and fiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable. By Mark Twain
The unspoken word is capital. We can invest it or we can squander it. By Mark Twain
It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged. By Mark Twain
Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that. By Mark Twain
God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the Newthe Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance. By Mark Twain
The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print By Mark Twain
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. By Mark Twain
Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. By Mark Twain
The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent. By Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. By Mark Twain
We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go By Mark Twain
I don't have time to write you a short letter, so I'm writing you a long one instead. By Mark Twain
He was not the Model Boy of the village. He knew the model boy very well though - and loathed him. By Mark Twain
Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with. By Mark Twain
And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking! By Mark Twain
We made many trips to the lake after that, and had many a hairbreadth escape and bloodcurdling adventure which will never be recorded in any history. By Mark Twain
An adventure is something that while it's happening you wish it wasn't. By Mark Twain
Broad, wholesome, charitable views .. can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth. By Mark Twain
There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. By Mark Twain
A gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. By Mark Twain
It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible. By Mark Twain
They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so. By Mark Twain
A discriminating irreverence is the creator and protector of human liberty. By Mark Twain
Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its only sure defense. By Mark Twain
True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god. By Mark Twain
Do something everyday that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. By Mark Twain
True love is the only heart disease that is best left to "run on"the only affection of the heart for which there is no help, and none desired. By Mark Twain
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting. By Mark Twain
The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity. By Mark Twain
Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery. By Mark Twain
The new political gospel: public office is private graft. By Mark Twain
Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use. By Mark Twain
In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. By Mark Twain
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. By Mark Twain
These are sad days in literature. Homer is dead. Shakespeare is dead. And I myself am not feeling at all well. By Mark Twain
Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women. By Mark Twain
The Bible has noble poetry in it ... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies. By Mark Twain
It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me ... it's the parts that I do. By Mark Twain
A home without a cat - and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat - may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title? By Mark Twain
It shames the average man to be valued below his own estimate of his worth. By Mark Twain
People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases. By Mark Twain
Eh bien! I no see not that that frog has nothing of better than another. By Mark Twain
Brooklyn praise is half slander. By Mark Twain
You meet people who forget you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes you meet those people you can't forget. Those are your 'friends By Mark Twain
All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel. By Mark Twain
It is human to exaggerate the merits of the dead. By Mark Twain
The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves. By Mark Twain
Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge. By Mark Twain
It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either. By Mark Twain
He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals. By Mark Twain
Their garment? Have they but one?" "Ah, good your Worship, what would they do with more? Truly they have not two bodies each. By Mark Twain
When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends. By Mark Twain
Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it. By Mark Twain
All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity. By Mark Twain
We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege. By Mark Twain
Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. By Mark Twain
Newport, Rhode Island, that breeding place-that stud farm, so to speak-of aristocracy; aristocracy of the American type. By Mark Twain
The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor. By Mark Twain
kind. It was the most singular, and almost the most touching and melancholy exile that fancy can imagine. - One of By Mark Twain
For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit. By Mark Twain
The old saw says, 'Let a sleeping dog lie.' Right. Still, when there is much at stake it is better to get a newspaper to do it. By Mark Twain
Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it. By Mark Twain
A robber is more high-toned than what a pirate is - as a general thing. In most countries they're awful high up in the nobility - dukes and such. By Mark Twain
Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane ... By Mark Twain
When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum. By Mark Twain
There's always a hole in theories somewhere if you look close enough. By Mark Twain
The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy. By Mark Twain
I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey. By Mark Twain
Every year you wait, long ago gets farther away. By Mark Twain
Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows By Mark Twain
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. By Mark Twain
Good-bye...if we meet... By Mark Twain
Genius, like gold and precious stones, is chiefly prized because of its rarity. By Mark Twain
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. By Mark Twain
Congress: America's only true criminal class. By Mark Twain
I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me. By Mark Twain
What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety. By Mark Twain
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. By Mark Twain
I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good. By Mark Twain
There was a great difference in boats, of course. For a long time I was on a boat that was so slow we used to forget what year it was we left port in. By Mark Twain
Patriotism is usually the refuge of the scoundrel. He is the man who talks the loudest. By Mark Twain
When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable. By Mark Twain
It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one. By Mark Twain
To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology. By Mark Twain
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. By Mark Twain
Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out. By Mark Twain