Explore a treasure trove of wisdom and insight from Terry Pratchett through their most impactful and thought-provoking quotes and sayings. Broaden your horizons with their inspiring words and share these beautiful quote pictures from Terry Pratchett with your friends and followers on popular social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blog - all free of charge. Delve into our collection of the top 1944 Terry Pratchett quotes, handpicked for you to discover and share with others.

I think the best thing I ever did with my life was stand up and say I've got Alzheimer's. By Terry Pratchett

Nevertheless, the human brain, which survives by hoping from one second to another, will always endeavor to put off the moment of truth. Moist By Terry Pratchett

Mistress Weatherwax, you are a natural disputant." "No I ain't! By Terry Pratchett

I should have learned this, she thought. I wanted to learn fire, and pain, but I should have learned people. By Terry Pratchett

Good people have no business being so bad. Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to. By Terry Pratchett

People need time to deal with the now before it runs away and becomes the then. And what they need most of all is nothing much happening. And By Terry Pratchett

You're just as dead if you fall from forty feet as you are from four thousand fathoms, that's what I say. By Terry Pratchett

There is no hope for the future, said Death By Terry Pratchett

Where there's life, eh?"WHERE THERE'S LIFE EH WHAT?"There's hope?"IS THERE? By Terry Pratchett

Most people will shy away from killing people they haven't been introduced to. By Terry Pratchett

And then she woke up and it was all a dream.' It was just about the worst ending you could have to any story. By Terry Pratchett

The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays. By Terry Pratchett

DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH. By Terry Pratchett

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. By Terry Pratchett

How many dishonorable discharges have you had?" "Lots," said Nobby, proudly. "But I always puts a poultice on 'em. By Terry Pratchett

He was not, by the standard definitions, a bad man; in the same way a plague-bearing rat is not, from a dispassionate point of view, a bad animal. By Terry Pratchett

Everything's a bit scruffy, but such a wonderful day that you have to be glad to be born and don't even mind other people having been born either. By Terry Pratchett

He looked up at them, a scruffy Napoleon with his laces trailing, exiled to a rose-trellised Elba. By Terry Pratchett

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying. By Terry Pratchett

No one knows how to do officering, Fred. That's why they're officers. If they knew anything, they'd be sergeants. By Terry Pratchett

The Deftmenes are mad and the Dumii are sane, thought Snibril, and that's just the same as being mad except that it's quieter. By Terry Pratchett

Revenge is not redress. Revenge is a wheel, and it turns backwards. By Terry Pratchett

I thought jet planes were just trucks with more wings and less wheels. By Terry Pratchett

Are you a devious, plotting, unreliable madman? Ah, good, then you can be my most trusted advisor. By Terry Pratchett

Give anyone a lever long enough and they can change the world. It's unreliable levers that are the problem. By Terry Pratchett

How do you get shadows when there's no sun in the sky? she thought, because it was better to think about things like this than all the other, much By Terry Pratchett

The Librarian liked being best man. You were allowed to kiss bridesmaids, and they weren't allowed to run away. By Terry Pratchett

Everything makes sense a bit at a time. But when you try to think of it all at once, it comes out wrong. By Terry Pratchett

The trouble was that he was talking in philosophy but they were listening in gibberish. By Terry Pratchett

Gods, it felt good. Hot water was civilization. Vimes could feel the stiffness in his muscles melting away in the warmth. By Terry Pratchett

If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch. By Terry Pratchett

Being a witch meant going into places you didn't want to go. By Terry Pratchett

Being a witch is a man's job: that's why it needs women to do it. By Terry Pratchett

It was nice to think that mankind made a distinction between blowing their planet to bits by accident and doing it by design. By Terry Pratchett

What's the good of having mastery over cosmic balance and knowing the secrets of fate if you can't blow something up? By Terry Pratchett

If you're too afraid of going astray you won't go anywhere By Terry Pratchett

The trouble with unimaginable horrors was that they were only to easy to imagine ... By Terry Pratchett

That's the trouble about the good guys and the bad guys! They're all guys! By Terry Pratchett

He quite liked the English. They tended to say sorry a lot, which was quite understandable given their heritage and the crimes of their ancestors. By Terry Pratchett

So I had to learn. All my life. The hard way. And the hard way's pretty hard, but not so hard as the easy way. I learned. By Terry Pratchett

There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do. By Terry Pratchett

And if you did it for a good reason, you'd do it for a bad one. You couldn't say "we're the good guys" and do bad-guy things. By Terry Pratchett

Ach, people are always telling us not to do things" said Rob Anybody, "that's how we ken the most interesting things to do. By Terry Pratchett

It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there. By Terry Pratchett

High magic requires a great clarity of thought, you see, and women's talents do not lie in that direction. Their brains tend to overheat. By Terry Pratchett

Certainly I have no faith in Jehovah, although I think it quite likely that Jesus Christ, as a preacher and a wise man, did indeed exist. By Terry Pratchett

People are bound to get excited when they see a ten-million-ton starship trying to fly down the street. By Terry Pratchett

There was a bird whistle as Polly neared the hiding place. She identified this one as the sound of the Very Bad Bird Impersonator ... By Terry Pratchett

A weapon you held and didn't know how to use belonged to your enemy. By Terry Pratchett

Books must be treated with respect, we feel that in our bones, because words have power. Bring enough words together they can bend space and time. By Terry Pratchett

Everything happens for a reason, except possibly football. (in Thief of Time) By Terry Pratchett

I'm a cat person, myself," she said, vaguely. A low-level voice said: "Yeah? Yeah? Wash in your own spit, do you? By Terry Pratchett

Lady Waggon Says That Any Bodies Found During A Weekend Party Should Be Disposed Of Discreetly, In Case Of Scandal. By Terry Pratchett

And just when you'd think [humans] were more malignant than ever Hell could be, they occasionally showed more grace than Heaven ever dreamed of. By Terry Pratchett

Fairyland, where dreams can hurt. Somewhere all stories are real, all songs are true. I thought that was a strange thing for the kelda to say ... By Terry Pratchett

The city's full of people who you just see around. By Terry Pratchett

My father always said, he said, Do not peddle in the affairs of wizards ... By Terry Pratchett

Take a tartan. Sprinkle it with confetti. Light it with strobe lights. Now take a chameleon. Put the chameleon on the tartan. Watch it closely. See? By Terry Pratchett

With the grin of one who mistakenly thinks he's a wit when he's only half a one. By Terry Pratchett

Not all questions are answered, commander, but fortunately some answers are questioned. By Terry Pratchett

Don't trust the cannibal just 'cos he's usin' a knife and fork! By Terry Pratchett

The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated. By Terry Pratchett

A mirror can contain the reflection of the whole universe, a whole skyful of stars in a piece of silvered glass no thicker than a breath. By Terry Pratchett

But the purpose of the book is not the horror, it is horror's defeat. By Terry Pratchett

MEMO: DON'T FORGET THE SOOTY FOOTPRINTS. MORE PRACTICE ON THE HO HO HO. By Terry Pratchett

Vimes nodded glumly. It was amazing how many people were prepared to do business with a man they'd met in a pub. By Terry Pratchett

Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life. By Terry Pratchett

He was appalled at the ease with which the truth so easily turned into something that was almost a lie, just by being positioned correctly. He By Terry Pratchett

She told me that if magic gives people what they want, then not using magic can give them what they need. By Terry Pratchett

But magic has a habit of lying low, like a rake in the grass. Winter By Terry Pratchett

The last one had been that of his father, who'd died happy in the knowledge that his son was maintaining By Terry Pratchett

Make ourselves attractive to students?" said the Archchancellor. "Mr Stibbons, the whole idea of a university is that it should be hard to get into. By Terry Pratchett

Last hopeless chances have got to work. Nothing makes sense otherwise. You might as well not be alive. By Terry Pratchett

Lots of people in history have only done their jobs and look at the trouble they caused By Terry Pratchett

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think. By Terry Pratchett

He grinned. It was the sort of grin that Agnes supposed was called infectious but, then, so was measles. By Terry Pratchett

You're an interesting man, sergeant. You make enemies like a craftsman. By Terry Pratchett

There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises. By Terry Pratchett

Say what you like. Plutonium may give you grief for thousands of years, but arsenic is forever. By Terry Pratchett

It is possibly worth mentioning at this point that Mr. Young thought that paparazzi was a kind of Italian linoleum. By Terry Pratchett

You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right? By Terry Pratchett

You don't have to test everything to destruction just to see if you make it right. By Terry Pratchett

Omens were all very well, but sometimes it would help if people just wrote things down. By Terry Pratchett

I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out. By Terry Pratchett

Adam looked at Them. They were his kind of people, too.You just had to decide who your friends really were. By Terry Pratchett

It'd be a funny old world, he reflected, if demons went round trusting one another. By Terry Pratchett

Omens are everywhere in this world you just have to find the one that fits. By Terry Pratchett

A skeleton, even a walking one, is at least human; Death of a sort lurks inside every living creature. By Terry Pratchett

What your soldier wants - really, really wants - is no-one shooting back at him. By Terry Pratchett

as well balanced as an upturned pyramid. By Terry Pratchett

Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be. By Terry Pratchett

I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine. By Terry Pratchett

Granddad was superstitious about books. He thought that if you had enough of them around, education leaked out, like radioactivity. By Terry Pratchett

I grow as many of our vegetables as I can, because my granddad was a professional gardener, and it's in the blood. By Terry Pratchett

An' you told him what I said about a verbal contract not being worth the paper it's printed on? By Terry Pratchett

He could solve this, Vimes told himself. Everything he needed was there, if only he asked the right questions and thought the right way. But By Terry Pratchett

He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower. By Terry Pratchett

Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. By Terry Pratchett

It's better to ask Santa Claus for a pair of slippers for Christmas rather than peace on earth. You might actually get it. By Terry Pratchett

You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you? By Terry Pratchett

Rincewind tried shutting his eyes, but there were no eyelids to his imagination and it was staring widely By Terry Pratchett

Ankh-Morpork, the melting pot of the world, which occasionally runs foul of lumps that don't melt. By Terry Pratchett

Usually he didn't bother the gods, and he hoped the gods wouldn't bother him. Life was quite complicated enough. By Terry Pratchett

I mean, it's a good job we've got a last desperate million-to-one chance to rely on, or we'd really be in trouble! By Terry Pratchett

There are times when the best writing you can do is to go for a walk or drive, a long drive is ideal. By Terry Pratchett

If anyone locked me in a dungeon, there'd be screams. By Terry Pratchett

I have woken up and I am real. I know where I come from and I know where I'm going. You cannot fool me any more. By Terry Pratchett

When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth. By Terry Pratchett

Daphne's thought in Nation: This was no time to go totally mad. You had to maintain standards. By Terry Pratchett

Because the world all twisted up and wrong, like distorted glass, only came back into focus if you looked at it through the bottom of a bottle. By Terry Pratchett

It was the sort of noise that makes the silence that comes after it roll forward like a warm avalanche. By Terry Pratchett

Why not? If enough people believe, you can be god of anything ... By Terry Pratchett

The best research is the research that you don't know that you are doing. By Terry Pratchett

Your own brain ought to have the decency to be on your side! By Terry Pratchett

I want to eat chocolates in a great big room where the world is a different place. By Terry Pratchett

They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse. By Terry Pratchett

When he'd been small, people had said things like, "And what do you want to be, little man?" and he'd said, "I don't know. What have you got? By Terry Pratchett

What is normal? Normal is yesterday and last week and last month taken together By Terry Pratchett

In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true. Remember some of your dreams? By Terry Pratchett

The fastest way to travel is to be there already. By Terry Pratchett

It's a mistake trying to cheer up camels. You may as well drop meringues into a black hole. By Terry Pratchett

He'd forgotten the ancient wisdom: take care, when you are closely observing, that you are not closely observed. By Terry Pratchett

Don't look back!" "Why not?" "Because I just did! Run faster! By Terry Pratchett

The beagle and the kobold approached, walking out of the dusty distance. By Terry Pratchett

The bridges were quite popular as building sites,because they had a very convenient sewage system and, of course, a source of fresh water. By Terry Pratchett

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it. By Terry Pratchett

S called a lute," said Caleb, through a mouthful of walrus."Whut?""IT'S CALLED A LUTE, HAMISH!""Aye, I used to loot! By Terry Pratchett

Short stories always seem to cost me blood, and I envy the people who do them for fun. By Terry Pratchett

Give him the ones in which the floods of venom and vindictiveness were dammed up behind thin walls of ineptitude and low-grade paranoia. By Terry Pratchett

He's a man of few words, and he doesn't know what either of them means, people said, but not when he was within hearing. By Terry Pratchett

The little man's total obliviousness to all forms of danger somehow made danger so discouraged that it gave up and went away. By Terry Pratchett

It was the living who ignored the strange and wonderful, because life was too full of the boring and mundane. By Terry Pratchett

Same with gorillas. Whoops, they say, sky gone all red, stars crashing to ground, what they putting in the bananas these days? By Terry Pratchett

You don't know about that what you talk about," he added, with more feeling than grammar, "else you wouldn't say that. What do you want from me?" Mort By Terry Pratchett

Smoke twisting amongst the lights and turning the air a desolate blue, the colour of dead hopes and lost chances. By Terry Pratchett

Character assassination. What a wonderful idea. Ordinary assassination only works once, but this one works every day. By Terry Pratchett

Magic never dies. It merely fades away. By Terry Pratchett

God does not play games with His loyal servants", said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice."Whoopee", said Crowley. By Terry Pratchett

Sometimes it's like watching a wasp land on a stinging nettle: someone's going to get stung and you don't care. By Terry Pratchett

Chain-mail isn't much defence against an arrow. It certainly isn't when the arrow is being aimed between your eyes. By Terry Pratchett

It makes you wonder if there is anything to astrology after all.' 'Oh, there is,' said Susan. 'Delusion, wishful thinking and gullibility. By Terry Pratchett

The reward for toil had been more toil. If you dug the best ditches, they gave you a bigger shovel. By Terry Pratchett

Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. By Terry Pratchett

Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there. By Terry Pratchett

Trouble is always easy to find when you have enough people looking for it. By Terry Pratchett

Real children do not go hoppity skip unless they are on drugs. By Terry Pratchett

(About a cookbook ... )- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor ... but they ends up Tarts. By Terry Pratchett

In my heart, I'm just a kid from the council houses. I can remember the old cottage and my dad coming round with the tin bath. I'm not a rich man. By Terry Pratchett

Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk. By Terry Pratchett

I dinna trust him," said Slightly Mad Angus. "He reads books an' such. By Terry Pratchett

Bugger off sweetheart Nanny's busy By Terry Pratchett

Ninety percent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment. By Terry Pratchett

And had a face like a bulldog licking vinegar off a thistle ... By Terry Pratchett

Because some stories end, but old stories go on, and you gotta dance to the music if you want to stay ahead By Terry Pratchett

When Mister Safety Catch Is Not On, Mister Crossbow Is Not Your Friend. By Terry Pratchett

Sometimes what is legal isn't what is right, and sometimes it needs a witch to tell the difference. By Terry Pratchett

Often there is no more than a little plaque to reveal that, against all gynaecological probability, someone very famous was born halfway up a wall. By Terry Pratchett

... you were so worried about legal and illegal that you never stopped to think about whether it was right or wrong. By Terry Pratchett

I was merely endeavoring to indicate that if we do not grab events by the collar they will have us by the throat.-Lord Vetinari By Terry Pratchett

He'd heard that writers spent all day in their dressing gowns drinking champagne. This is, of course, absolutely true. By Terry Pratchett

Most modern fantasy just rearranges the furniture in Tolkien's attic. By Terry Pratchett

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged By Terry Pratchett

We play and are played and the best we can hope for is to do it with style. By Terry Pratchett

Truthfully, without over-egging it, as I often do, the library and journalism, those things made me who I am. By Terry Pratchett

Very well. My name is WxrtHltl-jwlpklz," said the demon smugly."Where were you when the vowels were handed out? Behind the door?" said Nanny Ogg. By Terry Pratchett

It takes forty men with their feet on the ground to keep one man with his head in the air. By Terry Pratchett

Everything is magic when you don't know what it is. Your sliding rule is a magic wand to most people. By Terry Pratchett

It's not gambling to playagainst someone who's no good. It's common sense. By Terry Pratchett

I keep vaguely wondering what Macs are like, but the ones I've seen spend too much time being friendly. By Terry Pratchett

What does "worth" mean ... ? It means that you leave the world a better place than when you found it. By Terry Pratchett

Other people salted away money for their old age, but Nanny preferred to accumulate memories. By Terry Pratchett

The wizards chatted with the forced jolliness of people who see one another all day and are now seeing one another all evening. In By Terry Pratchett

It's supposed to be jolly, with mistletoe and holly... and other things ending in olly. By Terry Pratchett

A rather jolly little pony, quite possibly wearing a straw hat with holes cut out for its ears. By Terry Pratchett

Maybe the only significant difference between a really smart simulation and a human being was the noise they made when you punched them. By Terry Pratchett

Inside Every Living Person is a Dead Person Waiting to Get Out ... By Terry Pratchett

I have no fear of death whatsoever. I suspect that few people do, what they all fear is what might happen in the years or months before death. By Terry Pratchett

The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things By Terry Pratchett

Lies could run around the world before the truth could get its boots on. By Terry Pratchett

In general design and outline it looked the standard sort of tower for imprisoning princesses in; it was mainly used to store old furniture. However, By Terry Pratchett

Well, I hear things," she began. "And ... well, writing things down? I suppose that's a suitable job for a lady, isn't it? It's practically cultural. By Terry Pratchett

It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done. By Terry Pratchett

But we don't do things like that!" said Vimes. "You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day! By Terry Pratchett

And now, Vimes thought, it ends. By Terry Pratchett

Heroes get kingdoms and princesses, and they take regular exercise, and when they smile the light glints off their teeth, ting By Terry Pratchett

That's the Ankh-Morpork instinct, Vimes thought. Run away, and then stop and see if anything interesting is going to happen to other people. By Terry Pratchett

Shut up sergeant. You're a free troll. That's an orderSam Vimes By Terry Pratchett

I assure you I will not kill you," said Inigo. "I know that," said Vimes. "But will you try? By Terry Pratchett

What's the orbital velocity of the moon? By Terry Pratchett

That just goes to show that you never know, although what it is we never know I suspect we'll never know. By Terry Pratchett

Vimes could never get a handle on politics, which was full of traps for honest men. By Terry Pratchett

There was no universe, anywhere, where a Sam Vimes would give in on this, because if he did then he wouldn't be Sam Vimes anymore. By Terry Pratchett

Vimes groaned. That meant wizards. You got nothing but trouble with wizards. By Terry Pratchett

Vimes stalked gloomily through the crowded streets, feeling like the only pickled onion in a fruit salad. By Terry Pratchett

Vimes had got around to a Clean Desk policy. It was a Clean Floor strategythat eluded him at the moment. By Terry Pratchett

Vimes's lack of interest in other people's children was limitless. By Terry Pratchett

Pray you never face a good man, Vimes thought. He'll kill you with hardly a word. By Terry Pratchett

I'm not a natural killer! See this? See what it says? I'm supposed to keep the peace, I am! If I kill people to do it, I'm reading the wrong manual! By Terry Pratchett

Yes, yes, yes, said Vimes, who could recognize the verbal foot getting ready to stick itself in the aural door. By Terry Pratchett

What are your duties?" said Vimes. "To Serve The Public Trust, Protect The Innocent, And Seriously Prod Buttock, Sir," said Dorfl. By Terry Pratchett

Everyone wants something from Vimes, even though I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Hell, I'm probably a spoon. By Terry Pratchett

I'm not a criminal madman,' said Vimes. ( ... )'Never mind, you'll soon fit in,' said Lawn. By Terry Pratchett

And who else could I send? Only Vimes could go to Uberwald. By Terry Pratchett

I notice it says on your tray, 'Dibbler Enterprises, Est,'" said Vimes. "Shouldn't it say when you were established? By Terry Pratchett

Vimes hung up the tube. Trolls with a message. It was unlikely to be an invitation to a literary lunch. By Terry Pratchett

Men marched away, Vimes. And men marched back. How glorious the battles would have been that they never had to fight! By Terry Pratchett

Vimes awoke with a noseful of camel. There are far worse awakenings, but not as many as you might think. By Terry Pratchett

It was one of the most ancient terrors, the one that meant that no sooner had mankind learned to walk on two legs than it dropped to its knees. By Terry Pratchett

The Pyramids of Tsort by moonlight!' breathed Ysabell, 'How romantic!'MORTARED WITH THE BLOOD OF THOUSANDS OF SLAVES By Terry Pratchett

Mort glanced sideways at the top of Ysabell's dress, which contained enough puppy fat for two litters of Rottweilers, and forbore to comment. By Terry Pratchett

And finally there was The Goode Childe's Booke of Faerie Tales, so old that it belonged to an age when there were far more e's around. By Terry Pratchett

They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately? By Terry Pratchett

Mr. Tulip lived his life on that thin line most people occupy just before they haul off and hit someone repeatedly with a wrench. By Terry Pratchett

The face you wear in a battlefield should be a solemn one until the time when things are cleaned up and the real world drips its way in. By Terry Pratchett

In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid. By Terry Pratchett

That Hieronymus Bosch. What a weirdo. By Terry Pratchett

I reckon responsible behavior is something to get when you grow older. Like varicose veins. By Terry Pratchett

The nutritional content, which was roughly equivalent to that of a Sony Walkman. By Terry Pratchett

Sister Georgina had studied at Cambridge or, as she put it, 'Not-the-one-in-Massachusetts-Cambridge-Universitythe-real-one-you-know-in-England. By Terry Pratchett

Pollution removed his helmet and shook out his long white hair. He had taken over when Pestilence, muttering about penicillin, had retired in 1936. By Terry Pratchett

I don't think about the end game. I've got lots to occupy my mind. It's the rage that keeps me going. By Terry Pratchett

It was the sort of smile that lies on sandbanks waiting for incautious swimmers. By Terry Pratchett

When the humours were handed out, Ankh-Morpork got the one for joking and Quirm had to do make do with their expertise in fine dining and love-making. By Terry Pratchett

[T]he princesses were beautiful as the day is long and so noble they, they could pee through a dozen mattresses- By Terry Pratchett

Its eyes were the size of very large eyes, colored a smoldering red and filled with an intelligence that had nothing to do with human beings. By Terry Pratchett

The truth shall make thee fret By Terry Pratchett

Why did thee call that hell-goat Mephistopheles? asked McTavish one day. By Terry Pratchett

Give me away?" "Yes. Um. Sort of like, one free wizard with every concubine sold? Um." "I don't see what vegetables have got to do with it." Conina By Terry Pratchett

They can ta'k our lives but they can never ta'k our freedom!' Now there's a battle cry not designed by a clear thinker By Terry Pratchett

Life is a trick, and you get one chance to learn it. By Terry Pratchett

That's what being alive is, Thing! It's being badly prepared for everything! Because you only get one chance, Thing! By Terry Pratchett

apparently the evil was, oddly enough, always on the other side. By Terry Pratchett

Romancin' is verra important, ye ken. Basically it's a way the boy can get close to the girl wi'oot her attackin' him and scratchin' his eyes oot. By Terry Pratchett

The monk solved his immediate problem by giving a little whimper and fainting. By Terry Pratchett

I've seen excitement, and I've seen boredom. And boredom was best. By Terry Pratchett

At least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe. By Terry Pratchett

Who'd want a pony when you could have the whole universe? It was far more interesting and you didn't have to muck it out once a week. By Terry Pratchett

The people who really run organizations are usually found several levels down, where it is still possible to get things done. By Terry Pratchett

And naturally, when you have one rumor, it buds little extra rumors. Just for the fun of it. By Terry Pratchett

Despite rumor, Death isn't cruelmerely terribly, terribly good at his job. By Terry Pratchett

You're wondering if I really would slit your throat. To tell the truth, I don't know either, but think of the fun we could have finding out. By Terry Pratchett

A word writ doon can hang a man By Terry Pratchett

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death. By Terry Pratchett

Yo, bitch," he said. "Vot vas that?" Gaspode reconsidered his strategy. "Hi, foxy ... er ... wolf lady," he tried. By Terry Pratchett

You worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business. By Terry Pratchett

And Grimma said, "We have two choices. We can run, or we hide." And they said, "Which shall we do?" She said, "We shall Fight. By Terry Pratchett

What people mean to do and what is done are two different things By Terry Pratchett

And Granny Weatherwax said, "I was younger when I last danced with you. But I am old now. There will be no more dances for me. By Terry Pratchett

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere. By Terry Pratchett

We all have our funny little ways. Except me, obviously. By Terry Pratchett

Magic is just a way of saying 'I don't know.' By Terry Pratchett

Dodger grabbed the tiny coin. "Can read "beer", "gin" and "ale". No sense in filling your head with stuff you don't need, that's what I always say. By Terry Pratchett

Then there was the puzzle of why the sun came out during the day, instead of at night when the light would come in useful. By Terry Pratchett

Thick coils of smoke hung in the air, perhaps to avoid touching the walls. By Terry Pratchett

An ancient proverb summed it up when a wizard is tired of looking for broken glass in his dinner, it ran, he is tired of life. By Terry Pratchett

The hated have no reason to love. By Terry Pratchett

The truth isn't easily pinned to a page. In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap and much more difficult to find. By Terry Pratchett

WORDS IN THE HEART CANNOT BE TAKEN. By Terry Pratchett

It's not staying in the same place that's the problem," said Nanny, "it's not letting your mind wander. By Terry Pratchett

Being a buisance is not something you should die of. By Terry Pratchett

Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down. By Terry Pratchett

And no cheating, Lady." he said."But who could cheat Fate?" she asked. He shrugged."No-one. Yet everyone tries. By Terry Pratchett

HAS IT NEVER STRUCK YOU THAT THE CONCEPT OF A WRITTEN NARRATIVE IS SOMEWHAT STRANGE? said Death. By Terry Pratchett

It would be hard to be deader without special training. By Terry Pratchett

The turtle moves. By Terry Pratchett

Some people are heroes. And some people jot down notes. By Terry Pratchett

- DON'T WORRY, IT WON'T BE FOREVER. - Good. - IT MAY SEEM LIKE FOREVER. By Terry Pratchett

No wonder this man was a diplomat. You couldn't trust him an inch, he thought in loops, and you couldn't help liking him despite it. By Terry Pratchett

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life. By Terry Pratchett

If the Creator had said, "Let there be light" in Ankh-Morpork, he'd have got no further because of all the people saying "What colour? By Terry Pratchett

Botswana is also the only country in the world with a colour in its flag meant to represent rain (a sort of blue-grey). Not many people know this. By Terry Pratchett

Someone out there was about to find that their worst nightmare was a maddened Librarian. With a badge. By Terry Pratchett

How do they rise up? By Terry Pratchett

Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom. By Terry Pratchett

HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death) By Terry Pratchett

Let grammar, punctuation, and spelling into your life! Even the most energetic and wonderful mess has to be turned into sentences. By Terry Pratchett

Or and this she knew was a far more accurate way of looking at it the book was true and reality was lying. By Terry Pratchett

DO I DETECT A NOTE OF UNSEASONAL GRUMPINESS? said Death. NO SUGAR PIGGYWIGGY FOR YOU, ALBERT. By Terry Pratchett

And squabbling was de rigueur in Fairyland - not even cats were as bad.* By Terry Pratchett

Speaking as a mother of unborn generations, I'm against it. By Terry Pratchett

The sweater was much easier to climb. By Terry Pratchett

There are so mane shades of gray.""Nope.""Pardon?""Thers's no grays, only white that's got grubby ... By Terry Pratchett

I lay on the bed and lost myself in the stories. I liked that. Books were safer than other people anyway. By Terry Pratchett

I have to find the edge of the envelope and put my stamp on it. By Terry Pratchett

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this. By Terry Pratchett

Good and bad is tricky," she said. "I ain't too certain about where people stand. P'raps what matters is which way you face. By Terry Pratchett

One said, Tell us ... what is it like? "What is what like?" One said, Being insane. Being human. By Terry Pratchett

You're allowed to grant people into the darkness, but you must allow them to come out again. By Terry Pratchett

This is no way to treat a book," he said. "Look, he's bent the spine right back. People always do that, they've got no idea of how to treat them. By Terry Pratchett

In the dim light he appeared to phosphoresce, in the manner of warm seas on velvety summer nights. By Terry Pratchett

I tell them stars have never hurt me, I wish I could say the same about people. By Terry Pratchett

Leave me in peace to converse with my friends? Whom I promise not to kill and dissect. By Terry Pratchett

Live in dreams for too long and ye go mad - ye can never wake up prop'ly, ye can never get the hang o' reality again. By Terry Pratchett

That's sarcasm! You can't talk to me like that! You're just a servant!""That's right. And so are you. By Terry Pratchett

It was so loud and so deep, it wasn't really sound at all, just something that turned the air hard and then hit you with it. By Terry Pratchett

He'd never realized that, deep down inside, what he really wanted to do was make things go splat. By Terry Pratchett

People ought to think for themselves ... The problem is, people only think for themselves if you tell them to. (Corporal Carrot) By Terry Pratchett

The Ramkins were more highly bred than a hilltop bakery, whereas Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving. By Terry Pratchett

I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NAC MAC FEEGLE TODAY, said Death. OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE WORN PROTECTIVE CLOTHING, HA HA. By Terry Pratchett

Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha! By Terry Pratchett

What're you doing in Ankh-Morpork territorial waters, you camel-eating devil? By Terry Pratchett

This was, after all, Ankh-Morpork, where a man walked free even if he was not, strictly speaking, a man. By Terry Pratchett

A city like Ankh-Morpork was only two meals away from chaos at the best of times. By Terry Pratchett

In Ankh-Morpork even the shit have a street to itself," said Detritus, awe and wonder in his voice. "Truly, this a land of opportunity. By Terry Pratchett

If there were such a thing as an inter-city thieving contest, Ankh-Morpork would bring home the trophy and probably everyone's wallets. By Terry Pratchett

When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry. By Terry Pratchett

In Boffo's Novelty and Joke Emporium in Ankh-Morpork, all the whoopee cushions trumpeted in a doleful harmony; By Terry Pratchett

It was said that life was cheap in Ankh-Morpork. This was of course, completely wrong. Life was often very expensive; you could get death for free. By Terry Pratchett

There were no public health laws in Ankh-Morpork. It would be like installing smoke detectors in Hell. By Terry Pratchett

The commander went, as they say in Ankh-Morpork, totally Librarian on them. By Terry Pratchett

If you want something done, give it to someone who's busy! By Terry Pratchett

History needs shepherds, not butchers. By Terry Pratchett

Gossiping's part of witchcraft,' said Tiffany. 'They're checking to see if they've gone batty yet. By Terry Pratchett

The world is a globe - the farther you sail, the closer to home you are. By Terry Pratchett

Nature abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the Marie Celeste, and the chuck keys for electric drills. By Terry Pratchett

The very fabric of time and space is about to be put through the wringer. By Terry Pratchett

The best research you can do is to talk to people. By Terry Pratchett

That'll be a dollar for the drinks," he said, "and five pence because the raven that wasn't here messed in the pickles. By Terry Pratchett

Ricewind had always relied on running away. But somerimes, perhaps, you had to stand and fight, if only because there was nowhere left to run. By Terry Pratchett

Not natural, in my view, sah. Not in favor of unnatural things.'Vetinari looked perplexed. 'You mean, you eat your meat raw and sleep in a tree? By Terry Pratchett

We're really good at it, Teppic thought. Mere animals couldn't possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid. I By Terry Pratchett

Mere animals couldn't possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid. By Terry Pratchett

Apprehend. Be humble in the face of the universe. Do good. Eleven words. Three rules. By Terry Pratchett

Carpe Jugulum," read Agnes aloud. "That's ... well, Carpe Diem is 'Sieze the Day,' so this means-" "Go for the throat By Terry Pratchett

YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES."So we can believe the big ones?"YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING. By Terry Pratchett

He said it was better to belong where you don't belong than not to belong where you used to belong, remembering when you used to belong there. By Terry Pratchett

Things were always better than they are now. It's in the nature of things. By Terry Pratchett

What's a political?""Like a spy, but on your own side," said Maladict By Terry Pratchett

You're saying,' he said, weighing each word, 'that we should send Carrot away to be a duck among humans because Bjorn Stronginthearm is my uncle. By Terry Pratchett

Sometimes Carrot sounded like a civics essay written by a stunned choirboy. By Terry Pratchett

The gods help those who help themselves, and my word, didn't I help myself. By Terry Pratchett

The big trouble," he added, "is that everyone wants someone else to read their minds for them and then make the world work properly. By Terry Pratchett

Life doesn't happen in chapters - at least, not regular ones. By Terry Pratchett

The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip. By Terry Pratchett

You could trust numbers, except perhaps for pi, but he was working on that in his spare time and it was bound to give in sooner or later. By Terry Pratchett

Correct observation followed by meticulous deduction and the precise visualization of goals is vital to the success of any enterprise. By Terry Pratchett

I grew up expecting to see the first man land on the moon. It never occurred to me that I'd see the last one. We thought there'd be a moon base. By Terry Pratchett

Handle with care. Probably has Views. Do not attempt to kiss hand. By Terry Pratchett

Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg! By Terry Pratchett

If he was going to be boiled for a lamb, then he might as well be roasted for a sheep. By Terry Pratchett

If there's one thing that really annoys a god, it's not knowing something. By Terry Pratchett

So I resolved to remain alive in an unofficial capacity, which of course annoys them all immensely. By Terry Pratchett

They had dined on horse meat, horse cheese, horse black pudding, horse d'oeuvres and a thin beer that Rincewind didn't want to speculate about. By Terry Pratchett

The crewman told Dan his name was Bosun Higgs, and Helen didn't believe that for a second. By Terry Pratchett

Yes, but humans are more important than animals,' said Brutha.'This is a point of view often expressed by humans,' said Om. By Terry Pratchett

In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this? By Terry Pratchett

Although his body had been around quite a lot his mind had never gone further than the inside of his own head. He By Terry Pratchett

hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. By Terry Pratchett

Welcome to fear, said Moist to himself. It's hope, turned inside out. You know it can't go wrong, you're sure it can't go wrong ... But it might. By Terry Pratchett

Yep, it's gone myffic all right. By Terry Pratchett

It can't be a great cosmic game of chess, it has to be just very complicated Solitaire. By Terry Pratchett

There's nothing more terrible than someone out to do the world a favor. By Terry Pratchett

Knowledge is dangerous, which is why governments often clamp down on people who can think thoughts above a certain caliber. By Terry Pratchett

The problem with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and putting things in it. By Terry Pratchett

He preached as if he had a flaming sword in his hand. Bats fell out of the rafters. The organ started up by itself. The water sloshed in the font. By Terry Pratchett

By his own admission, he would rather run ten miles, leap a five-bar gate and climb a big hill than engage in any athletic activity. By Terry Pratchett

In life, as in breakfast cereal, it is always best to read the instructions on the box. By Terry Pratchett

Her singing always cheered him up. Life seemed so much brighter when she stopped. By Terry Pratchett

She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close. By Terry Pratchett

You'll learn there is another rule. Esme's obeyed it all her life." "And what's that?" "When you break rules, break 'em good and hard," said By Terry Pratchett

Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw. By Terry Pratchett

I wish that the people who sing about the deeds of heroes would think about the people who have to clear up after them. By Terry Pratchett

Enthusiastic soldiers with no fighting to do soon get bored and start thinking dangerous thoughts, like how much better they could run the country. By Terry Pratchett

It's probably a miracle of existence." "Like pickles," said the Bursar, happily. Even the Fresh Starters went blank. By Terry Pratchett

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad By Terry Pratchett

[ ... ] the awesome splendor of the universe is much easier to deal with if you think of it as a series of small chunks. By Terry Pratchett

In short, what people think they want is news, but what they really crave is olds. By Terry Pratchett

And, as always happens, and happens far too soon, the strange and wonderful becomes a memory and a memory becomes a dream. Tomorrow it's gone. By Terry Pratchett

It was one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying isolated things like, Well, isn't this nice. By Terry Pratchett

I do note with interest that old women in my books become young women on the covers ... this is discrimination against the chronologically gifted. By Terry Pratchett

Watering down the currency of expression, causing anything to mean whatever you want it to mean, until nothing is meant and nothing is precise. By Terry Pratchett

It doesn't matter if dragons are flying overhead or whatever - a lot of Victoriana is still cut in the frame of fantasy. By Terry Pratchett

I used to think that I was stupid, and then I met philosophers. By Terry Pratchett

Fire is easy to work with if you keep your mind clear, but pain ... pain fights back. Pain is alive. Pain is the enemy. By Terry Pratchett

Soon to come in licorice, orange, cinnamon, and banana, but not strawberry, because I hate strawberries. By Terry Pratchett

You can die for your country or your people or your family, but for a god you should live fully and busily, every day of a long life. By Terry Pratchett

Sometimes you can think that 'I've had enough of wizards!' And sometimes fantasy is not just about wizards. By Terry Pratchett

Nijel was one of those people who, if you say 'don't look now,' would immediately swivel his head like an owl on a turntable. By Terry Pratchett

Remember - that which does not kill us can only make us stronger. And that which does kill us leaves us dead! By Terry Pratchett

I have seen galaxies die. I have watched atoms dance. But until I had the dark behind the eyes, I didn't know the death from the dance. By Terry Pratchett

Well? Children sometimes steal. Beat them a little, and they stop stealing. Basic education By Terry Pratchett

Moist realized that there had to be an explanation for this, but the only one he could think of now was: It's strange. By Terry Pratchett

Sometimes life reaches that desperate point where the wrong thing to do has to be the right thing to do. By Terry Pratchett

Never ask the tight-rope walker how he keeps his balance. if he stops to think about it, he falls off By Terry Pratchett

She was not, herself, hugely in favour of motherhood in general. Obviously it was necessary, but it wasn't exactly difficult. Even cats managed it. By Terry Pratchett

He likes you,' said Bigmac.'How can you tell?''You've still got both your eyes. By Terry Pratchett

Sometimes words need music too. Sometimes the descriptions are not enough. Books should be written with soundtracks, like films. By Terry Pratchett

This book was written using 100% recycled words. By Terry Pratchett

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny. By Terry Pratchett

She'd never mastered the talent for apologizing, but she appreciated it in other people. By Terry Pratchett

We can't just drop everything, sir!""Mister Lipwig. Is there something in the word 'tyrant' you do not understand? By Terry Pratchett

I don't think it's weak to admit you made a mistake. That takes strength, if you ask me. By Terry Pratchett

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong. By Terry Pratchett

In a distant forest a wolf howled, felt embarrassed when no one joined in, and stopped. By Terry Pratchett

If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes. By Terry Pratchett

I AM ALWAYS ALONE. BUT JUST NOW I WANT TO BE ALONE BY MYSELF. By Terry Pratchett

Adora Belle fought back, and to make sure fought back even before she was attacked. By Terry Pratchett

squernt" ("the feeling upon finding that the previous occupant of the privy has used all the paper") By Terry Pratchett

Hrun the Barbarian, who was practilly an academic by Hub standards in that he could think without moving his lips. By Terry Pratchett

Oh ... and Bacon Surprise.'REALLY? WHAT IS SO SURPRISING ABOUT BACON?'I don't know. I suppose it comes as something of a shock to the pig. By Terry Pratchett

Oh aye, ye canna beat a good wake," said Rob Anybody. "Wi' lots o' boozin' an' dancin' an' greetin' an feastin' an' boozin'. By Terry Pratchett

Ach, noo yer talkin' oour language," said Rob Anybody. "Not ... quite," said Tiffany. By Terry Pratchett

Hey you scummers, we got a cheap lawyer and we're no' afraid tae use him!" Rob Anybody. By Terry Pratchett

Aye," said Rob Anybody. "Gods, elementals, demons, spirits ... sometimes it's hard to tell 'em apart wi'oot a map. By Terry Pratchett

Oh, yes, sir. And the Soul Cake Duck. And the Sandman. And Death. By Terry Pratchett

Life is addictive. If people complain overmuch, I think I will have to draw that fact to their attention. By Terry Pratchett

Learnin' how not to do things is as hard as learning how to do them. By Terry Pratchett

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean. By Terry Pratchett

Mort was hurt by this. It was one thing not to want to marry someone, but quite another to be told they didn't want to marry you. By Terry Pratchett

I. This is not a game.II. Here and now, you are alive By Terry Pratchett

... responsibilities are the anvil on which a man is forged. By Terry Pratchett

Anyone with half a mind could see that," said Tiffany.Miss Tick sighed. "Yes. But sometimes it's so hard to find half a mind when you need one. By Terry Pratchett

Oh, come on. Revelation was a mushroom dream that belonged in the Apocrypha. The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got religion. By Terry Pratchett

The gods," he said. "Imprisoned in a thought. And perhaps they were never more than a dream. By Terry Pratchett

There was a click. There was a noise like a partridge. There was a thud.There was silence. By Terry Pratchett

If you don't dare to think you might, you won't. By Terry Pratchett

What's your name, pictsie?' 'Awf'ly Wee Billy Bigchin Mac Feegle, mistress.' 'You're very small, aren't you?' 'Only for my height, mistress. By Terry Pratchett

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest - Yo ho ho and a packet of crisps." "Any By Terry Pratchett

Money doesn't buy happiness, Gytha.""I only wanted to rent it for a few weeks! By Terry Pratchett

The thought constructed itself a piece at a time, like an incomplete jigsaw. Think, don't panic. By Terry Pratchett

What good's a god who gives you everything you want? By Terry Pratchett

The first draft is just you telling yourself the story. By Terry Pratchett

He put more effort into avoiding work than most people put into hard labor. By Terry Pratchett

If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander. By Terry Pratchett

You made a choice, you get what you choose. By Terry Pratchett

I never does anyone a bad turn if I can't do 'em a good one, Gytha, you know that. I don't have to do no frills or fancy labels." Nanny By Terry Pratchett

Rincewind trudged back up the beach. "The trouble is," he said, "is that things never get better, they just stay the same, only more so. By Terry Pratchett

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head. By Terry Pratchett

You ain't the boss of me, sir, you surely ain't. The only thing you could do right now is kill me, and you still wouldn't be the boss of me.' There By Terry Pratchett

Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man! By Terry Pratchett

I don't believe in the war god of the Israelites. He's a bogeyman. Jesus preached the golden rule, by and large. By Terry Pratchett

It was like ... like wizardry, but without the wizards and the mess. By Terry Pratchett

As if we see these worlds, the whole of the Long Earth all at once, through the eyes of a god.' Only By Terry Pratchett

She felt better for all that. A good shouting at somebody always makes you feel better and in control, especially if you aren't. By Terry Pratchett

Oh, we're always all right. You remember that. We happen to other people.-Nanny Ogg By Terry Pratchett

If the laws of action and reaction had anything to do with it, it should have flopped to the ground a few feet away. But no-one was listening to them. By Terry Pratchett

Never trust a species that grins all the time. It's up to something. By Terry Pratchett

I always said you couldn't trust those people from Purchasing," said the Deputy Financial Manager. "The bastards. By Terry Pratchett

Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken? By Terry Pratchett

My personal theory is that he has a very firm grasp upon reality, it's simply not a reality the rest of us have ever met before. By Terry Pratchett

My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat. By Terry Pratchett

Lots of ingenuity gets you through times with no money better than money gets you through times of no ingenuity. By Terry Pratchett

Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care. By Terry Pratchett

He's got a box with a demon in it that draws pictures," said Rincewind shortly. "Do what the madman says and he will give you gold. By Terry Pratchett

She bore down upon him like a glittering siege engine. By Terry Pratchett

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?""Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir. By Terry Pratchett

Fleeing into aphorisms, the last refuge of an adult under siege. By Terry Pratchett

She couldn't do any worse, but then, he couldn't do better. So maybe it balanced out. By Terry Pratchett

Granny Weatherwas was not a jouster in the lists of love, but, as an intelligent onlooker, she knew how the game was played. By Terry Pratchett

And, incidentally, tomato ketchup is not a vegetable." Sybil added. "Not even the dried stuff around the top of the bottle. By Terry Pratchett

He was stupid, yes, in the particular way that very clever people can be stupid. By Terry Pratchett

The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god). By Terry Pratchett

It takes a special kind of person to fight back. By Terry Pratchett

Grinning like a necrophiliac in a morgue. By Terry Pratchett

The period of time it takes a pictsie to go from normal to mad fighting mood is so tiny it can't be measured on the smallest clock. By Terry Pratchett

And when the Patrician was unhappy, he became very democratic. He found intricate and painful ways of spreading that unhappiness as far as possible. By Terry Pratchett

The Patrician could read," said Spelter. "Not if you cut off his index finger," said Carding. By Terry Pratchett

The Patrician was not a man you shook a finger at unless you wanted to end up being able to count only to nine. By Terry Pratchett

Gentlemen, please," said the Patrician. He shook his head. "Let's have no fighting, please. This is, after all, a council of war. By Terry Pratchett

He didn't administer a reign of terror, just the occasional light shower. By Terry Pratchett

You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away. By Terry Pratchett

She smiled at him, and bits of Moist tingled.'Well, off you go then, Mr Lipwig,' she said. 'Brighten up the world like a little sunbeam. By Terry Pratchett

Nobby had survived any number of famous massacres by not being there. By Terry Pratchett

Add up the bastard!" shouted Nobby enthusiastically. "Total, Nobby," said Colon. "You mean 'total. By Terry Pratchett

How do you spell 'contravention'?" said Carrot, turning over a page."I don't," said Nobby, pushing through the crowds. By Terry Pratchett

I think you should be proud of not being worse than just deeply introverted and socially maladjusted. By Terry Pratchett

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it. By Terry Pratchett

Esme said no because, she wasted time wishing for thinges instead of working out how to make them happen. What By Terry Pratchett

What we're going to do is keep the peace. That's our job. We're not going to be heroes, we're just going to be ... normal. By Terry Pratchett

Cats do not hunt seals. They would hunt them if they knew what seals and where to find them. But they do not know, so it's okay. By Terry Pratchett

The conflict is not between Christianity and Islam or between East and West - instead, it is between stupid people and other stupid people. By Terry Pratchett

The screaming skeleton stopped screaming when I gave him an old teddy bear, although I'm not certain why that worked, By Terry Pratchett

Wanna see how creepy I can be?"-Mr Teatime By Terry Pratchett

IT'D BE A BLOODY STUPID WORLD IF PEOPLE GOT KILLED WITHOUT DYING, By Terry Pratchett

The enemy isn't men, or women, it's bloody stupid people and no one has the right to be stupid. By Terry Pratchett

Never build a dungeon you wouldn't be happy to spend the night in yourself. The world would be a happier place if more people remembered that. By Terry Pratchett

Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant 'idiot'. By Terry Pratchett

He looked like someone who smelled like someone who lived in a mushroom, and that bothered Twoflower. By Terry Pratchett

Wizards don't like philosophy very much. As far as they are concerned, one hand clapping makes a noise like cl. By Terry Pratchett

Andrews had probably been some innocent and hospitable person of a psychic disposition who had simply been overwhelmed by the colonizing souls. By Terry Pratchett

There's always the dwarf bread. By Terry Pratchett

Heaven has no taste.""Now-""And not one single sushi restaurant."A look of pain crossed the angel's suddenly very serious face. By Terry Pratchett

It was sad music. But it waved its sadness like a battle flag. It said the universe had done all it could, but you were still alive. By Terry Pratchett

students, eh, you can love them or hate them, but you're not allowed to hit them with a shovel By Terry Pratchett

Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't hit them with a shovel! By Terry Pratchett

Students, eh? Love 'em or hate 'em, you're not allowed to hit 'em with a shovel. By Terry Pratchett

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong. By Terry Pratchett

Sun's coming up," he announced. "Don't remember eating that," muttered Chidder. By Terry Pratchett

He'd learned in recent days, though, that rather than drown in uncertainty it was best to surf right over the top of it. By Terry Pratchett

Well, got any relish?" "No, ma'am." "Tomato ketchup?" "No, ma'am." "And they call this a gormay paradise, By Terry Pratchett

You could say to the universe this is not fair. And the universe would say: Oh, isn't it? Sorry. By Terry Pratchett

Look at it like this, it's not that we're making life, we're simply giving life a place to live. By Terry Pratchett

There are some laws that are coded into the very nature of the universe, and one is: There Is Never Enough Shelf Space. By Terry Pratchett

Little crimes breed big crimes. You smile at little crimes and then big crimes blow your head off. By Terry Pratchett

I can teach you a lesson you won't forget in a hurry By Terry Pratchett

Building a temple didn't mean you believed in gods, it just meant you believed in architecture. By Terry Pratchett

The food was good solid stuff for a cold morning, all calories and fat and protein and maybe a vitamin crying softly because it was all alone. By Terry Pratchett

Yes, but - but maybe I'm just tall for my height," said Carrot desperately. "After all, if you can have short humans, can't you have tall dwarfs? By Terry Pratchett

Brutha tried to put it out of his mind, which was like trying to empty a bucket underwater. By Terry Pratchett

He'd experienced the lovely warm feeling of a bad job well done. By Terry Pratchett

Men come and go, but dust accumulates. By Terry Pratchett

Yes, but nomes aren't hard to make," said Dorcas. "You just need other nomes." "You're weird. By Terry Pratchett

No. The old gods ain't big on 'sorry,'" said Granny, pacing up and down again. "They know it's just a word. By Terry Pratchett

Doesn't this place give you the creeps? You could perhaps do something with some floral wallpaper and a fire-bomb. By Terry Pratchett

I'm up to my neck in the real world, every day. Just you try doing your VAT return with a head full of goblins. By Terry Pratchett

Every step is a first step if it's a step in the right direction. By Terry Pratchett

And the woman in the vegetable shop, she oppresses me all the time. By Terry Pratchett

There would be a price ... But if you were worried about the price, then why were you in the shop? By Terry Pratchett

It's still magic even if you know how it's done. By Terry Pratchett

Time travel was only a kind of magic, after all. That's why it always went wrong. By Terry Pratchett