Discover the most popular and inspiring quotes and sayings on the topic of Penis. Share them with your friends on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blogs, and let the world be inspired by their powerful messages. Here are the Top 100 Penis Quotes And Sayings by 96 Authors including Sue Townsend,Gena Showalter,Lexi Blake,J.r. Ward,Hanif Kureishi for you to enjoy and share.

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Measured my 'thing'. It was eleven centimetres.
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What are you, a child? Your cock is not a toy, so stop playing with it for one damn night.
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Holy crap. Is that an elephant penis?
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What's next? The size of my cock?"
"Hey, even pencils can get the job done - I've heard the moaning from your room to prove it.
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Harry leaned forward. You put your penis on the page.
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I was a professor of penis, a connoisseur of cock, a devotee of dick, an epicure of erections. I had made it my life's work to worship the male member. And what a member this one was.
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I can't believe you didn't tell me you have a phone."

"It is a penis move," said Ethan agreed in a stiff voice.
"Dick move, baby," said Remmy
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Peter's privatemost circuitry a sudden and confusing crossfiring at how arousing and simultaneously dick-shriveling this apparition was.
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what up? I got a big cock
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A penis is a penis, but a hard-on is more like a message you send to other people. It's a desire, not a body part."
Brandt swiveled his chair around to face Donnelly, "'It's a desire, not a body part'? What kind of fucked-up angry feminist book did you get that out of?"
--Donnelly & Brandt
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I bet if cancer of the penis was more prevalent there'd be a cure for this fucker. I bet if dicks were being amputated or dropping off left, right and centre there'd have been a cure decades ago. There'd be a whole fucking government dick department dedicated to it.
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Meat and two veg is your knob," I tell him.

He frowns again, looking confused. "Knob?"

"Dick," I say, "penis, cock, nob, chopper, dong, cream stick, one-eyed trouser snake, prick, tadger, willy, bell-end, or dobber. Take your pick.
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Fine, a Lithuanian couple gets lost because, like men across the globe, he values his penis - among other things - as a compass. So he's incapable of asking for directions and thereby disparaging the power of his penis.
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The heart, said to be man's noblest organ, has the same shape as the penis, commonly supposed the most ignoble; the symbolism is not inappropriate, because the love which comes from the heart soon extends to the organ which it resembles.
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Use the muscle in your skull, and then the one in your pants. Impress me with your vocabulary, and then your sexual attentiveness.
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Unexpected Penis is my grunge band name,
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Machinery often responds favourably when it senses a penis-equipped human in the vicinity, Jo used to claim, but not this time.
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Are you ready for my love gun?" he says.
Uh-oh. "What's a love gun? Is that a sex toy?"
"No," he says. "I'm talking about my penis."
"Oh," I say. "Then yes. Fire away
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Do you know the problems with dicks? They're attached to bigger dicks.
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The trick to saying the word cock, is to do it like you have one in your mouth.
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I can't take a dick-measuring contest."
...
"I know Meshack has a big one. And from what I've felt, Zulu is big. Both of your dicks are equally big.
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That's what my penis is like: a beautiful, thorny rose.
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You see a panther opening its jaws, you don't get your dick out.
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Well, the real sex organ is between the ears, not between the legs
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Exactly how long can you stand on a street corner showing two drug dealers your scar-tissue-induced radical penis curvature? The answer is twelve seconds. After that it feels weird.
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However, Harry, my clock has stopped. The embalmer is rolling up his sleeves. Even as we speak, seventy-two virgins are slipping into schoolgirl uniforms for me. You must live, and I confirm: always put your penis first.
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You guess? What the hell kind of answer is that? Your playboy days are over, Dylan! You're mine, God damn it. That big dick belongs only to me now.
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This is Waldo Butters, and his geek penis is longer and harder than any of ours put together.
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Let my hand be a blanket for my penis.
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There is such insane variety within the world of male genitalia.
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I have this thing that keeps me from being interested in prom dresses, it's called a penis.
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If my penis were a writer/director, it would be Woody Allen - small, neurotic, and, frankly, hit or miss.
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It's the most gorgeous penis I've ever seen and it makes me wish I could paint because I could have a whole gallery devoted to the beauty of his dick and I would consistently sell out of all my paintings.
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Sometimes I marveled at how grown-up we'd all become, and then Dick would recite a sixteen-stanza penis-based epic poem, and I'd take it back.
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Thanks for the penis, God. I don't have the balls to be a woman.
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cock. This wealthy man had definitely not
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If I had a dick, I would fuck this peanut butter,
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But somewhere, there is a skeleton. And that skeleton has a penis. And it will fuck your life.
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Size doesn't but dick matters!
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I didn't try to say the penis word for Elaine. "Cock," I said to her.
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It looked like a broken finger, a right hand turn sign, an Allen wrench, a drunk pencil, a worm with a broken neck, a damn garden hoe. It was not a penis.
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Pride starts with the penis.
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Not everyone knows what it is to have your father's rival's penis inches from your nose.
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Here to show me how to grow a penis so I can get the job done?"
"Chloe, I'm pretty sure if you wanted to grow one, you could do it by will alone."
"I'd grow one just so I could ask you to suck on it.
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Of erections how few are domed like St. Peter's! of creatures, how few vast as the whale!
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Leave your incidental Dick.
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Now that we've compared the equivalent of our supernatural dicks, why don't you answer my question?
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Harley studied his erection, lightly running her fingers over the smooth skin. His cock jumped at her touch. It was a pretty penis, she had to say. Good length, pleasing circumference. Not too big, not too small ... the Goldilocks of cocks. Just right.
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But this is silly - we could sit here all night contrasting cock-lengths. I say mine is five feet long, you say yours is six, and shoots fire upon command.
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When penetration is desired, the focus is on what works for the recipient: we have yet to meet a dildo that got hung up on its own needs.
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peccadillo. So far as my observation goes, men
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Now go to bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at NASA early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope.
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While Hannah was busy positioning the laptop and shimmying out of her shorts and a thong, I pushed off my boxers and squirted lube into my palm. I glanced at my cock. It stood stiffly from me, nine thick, smooth inches for which I didn't thank God often enough.
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I take it that was an argument between your conscience and your penis, and your penis seems to have won.
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Look, I've always had an empty place in my life that I've alternatively tried to fill with food and penises, but now I have something.
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I measure meteors the size of planets when led to erection,
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When the male organ of a man stands erect, two thirds of his intelect go away. And one third of his religion.
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Tongue; well that's a wery good thing when it an't a woman.
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Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand.
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prostrate body. He groaned when
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Erections don't equal personal growth, Trey
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The further in you go, the bigger it gets.
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Jane Austen vs. My Penis [20w]
"It is a truth universally that a single man
in possession of a penis must be in want of pussy.
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Oh, I think we should name your penis the Vampire Lestat.
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If you stop referring to my penis as a love truncheon." "Love dart?" "No." "Portable pocket rocket?" Sloane smiled. "Absolutely." The smile vanished. "Not." "How about moisture missile? Peacemaker? Heat seeking missile?
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I'll have to lift your penis now to grease around it.
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The profuse phallic symbolism of chess provides some fantasy gratification of the homosexual wish, particularly the desire for mutual masturbation.
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I stood there alone in the eerily silent streets of Las Vegas and listened to my penis cry.
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To extend oneself does not necessarily mean to have an erection.
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If I could pray with my cock, I'd be much more religious
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Brandon's going to talk to a B-O-Y, and -"
"What?"
"That's your assignment tonight. You converse in public with a boy. You've heard of them, right? They're like girls, but with penises?
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If this is what you believe, you are wrong: Penthesilea
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There's an impotency Viagra can't touch - the inability of a man to speak ...
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Seeing your friend's penis and riding it hard moved us beyond the point of no return.
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The tragedy is when you've got sex in the head instead of down where it belongs.
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I bet he has a very nice penis. I bet it's glorious, like his stupid perfect face, and gorgeous eyes, and muscled body. I bet if he entered his penis in a competition, it would win "Best in Show" and he could walk around with a giant blue ribbon stuck to his crotch.
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My dick's wisdom impeded my ability to have meaningless intercourse.
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For the record, and those readers oblivious to metaphor, I would have avoided the subject entirely if my wife did not assure me I was of average size, an opinion as comforting as it is troublesome, because I know how much research she's done first hand. From the chapter, "Small Penis Rule".
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Letter to My Boner
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At nineteen, one lives in the utter idolatry, therefore the extreme superstition, of sex. Monstrously exaggerated tales about sexual feats, which we listen to greedily, determine our expectations. The disappointments are correspondingly great.
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If you want to communicate an idea to a man's brain, talk to him through his pecker. It's like an ear horn, y'all.
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What's a dick?" Parenting fail number five-hundred-and-eighty-two of today. "Nothing, babe. I said tick. A tick is a bug." "So you called that person a bug?" "Yup. A big bug.
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In the end, my cock was all I had.
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THIS IS DICK -- DON'T TOUCH!!!
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Your dick is wearing jewelry.
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I wonder how many more penises I'll have inside me in my lifetime.
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Enough talk about Brandon's dick.
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You're the champion, I reminded myself. You have to fight a dragon. You're not allowed to be scared of a penis.
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His dick throbbing now like a smashed thumb ...
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A hard penis has no conscience.
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There was dick as far as the eye could see. And
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The blood in my body seems to be pooling in my cock.
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Look, I have a huge penis," he states.
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The sudden acquisition of power does not go to the head, but to the groin. In some, it promotes lust; in others, supplants it. Those on whom its effect is purely cerebral may indeed be counted as fortunate.
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Of a pigs taile you can never make a good shaft.
[Of a pig's tail you can never make a good shaft.]
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It seemed that the penis per se, except to male homosexuals, was not a very salable commodity in the sexual marketplace of America. Few women could be aroused by the sight of an erect penis unless they were warmly disposed to the man who was attached to it.
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What if he'd just . . . I don't know . . . stuck it in, no warning or whatever. Like . . . SURPRISE! Here's a penis.
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Use your dick, don't be one.
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She had something down there twice as big as mine. That's why I say you better watch where you stroke, cause it could turn out, turn out to be a joke.
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We will have it tanned and stuffed and sell it for a fortune. A dwarf's cock has magical powers."
"I have been telling all the women that for years.